We will be taking a long road trip with the kiddos this summer. Growing up, my family did this often. At least every summer my parents would pack up my sister and me in our big van and go on a drive to visit family in Chicago or Virginia Beach or some other far destination. The most memorable trip was the cross country drive from New York to California when I was about 10 years old. We were on the road for almost a month, visiting family and stopping at all the touristy (and even some off the beaten path) spots. It was great! I was a bit older than my kids are now, and could appreciate the sites, the quiet moments with family, and the long conversations I would have with my Dad as he drove and I sat up front, playing "navigator."
With two kids- ages 3 years and less than 6 months, I don't know that they'll quite appreciate the long hours in the car! So, we're arming ourselves with books and toys... and a portable DVD player, something we never had on our long family trips growing up. Admittedly, when they first began installing televisions and VHS players into vehicles, I viewed this with negativity. This was B.C. (Before Children) of course, and I know I unfairly judged parents... "can't they talk to their kids or read to keep occupied? What about "I spy" or the license plate game?" Those were our activities on the road! These days though, I GET IT!! I have definitely pulled out the iPhone for my son to play with or watch "Curious George" when he starts to get antsy beyond redirection, while lunching in public. Sure, I can feel the judgemental looks from people, but I know the looks would be far worse if I just let him carry on to tantrum level!
So anyway, we're loading up on DVDs. Tommy hasn't seen many full length movies, so I went to Facebook to poll my Mommy and Daddy friends. Some flicks I knew of, others I didn't. I bought a couple of the most popular ones. The other day, we received a delivery with three DVDs. Tommy was excited! So we decided to watch, "Despicable Me." (**SPOILER ALERT!**) Things were going well enough until the three little cookie-selling girls returned to "Miss Hattie's Home for Girls." The youngest, Agnes, asks Miss Hattie, "Anybody come to adopt us while we were out?"
The woman responds sarcastically, "Let me think... no!" Woah! Seriously?! Miss Hattie then goes on to talk about cookie selling quotas and threatens to have the children sit in a cardboard box called "The Box of Shame" if they don't make their quota. Oh sh*t! I was appalled.
Now I didn't SAY anything, but I must have made some utterance because Tommy turned to me with a, "what Mama?" My urge was to shut the movie off, turn on his favorite show, "Octonauts," and watch the movie later with my husband to pre-screen it. However, I thought if I turned the movie off now, I'd probably draw more attention and potentially send the message that I was turning it off because of the adoption theme. So I figured, let's just ride it out and see where things go.
Tommy seemed unphased, probably because the adoption scenes were so out there and certainly unlike his own adoption story, which he knows well. He was really just focused on the silly stuff and that, at the end, "the girls have a home now." We actually really enjoyed the movie, despite some of the very stereotypical or negative ideas about adoption. Some of these included:
- Orphanages are abusive environments for children. This is seen through the horrible attitude of Miss Hattie and her abuse towards the children in her home: punishment through use of a Box of Shame, allowing the girls to be unaccompanied selling cookies until dark, possible use of child labor ("go clean something of mine"), and the emotional abuse of saying to the girls, "You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you?" etc.
- Adults adopt children for their own self interest. Gru adopts the girls, in the hope they will help him steal a shrink ray from a rival villain. Afterwards, he plans to be rid of them. His adoption of the girls is also portrayed as a very easy process. He is able to simply stop in without a homestudy, visits, proper background check, etc. and bring the girls home that day.
- Adoption is not permanent. Gru plans to get rid of the girls once he steals the shrink ray. Although Gru comes to love and care for the girls, a friend is able to contact the home to take the girls away. There is no process to assist Gru in maintaining the children in his home. It's a disrupted placement and rather than provide support for the girls upon their return, they are placed in separate Boxes of Shame.
- Birth/first families don't matter. There was no mention of the girls' biological parents or whereabouts. The focus was on them being adopted and neglected to address their potential loss. There is some mention of a mother in Agnes' book, but at the end this is destroyed and replaced by Gru's own story, as if the past no longer matters.
Watching this movie, one that probably many of my son's peers have seen, I realize I can't shield my kids from negative or skewed views of adoption. My children will always know their own stories... and as I mentioned, Tommy did not seem connected with the adoption aspect of the storyline, but there may be others who see this movie and do come to view adoption in these ways. The questions and comments will come; and I want to be able to help my children navigate these challenges. I'm glad I fought my urge to shut the movie off... I think my children and I (and my husband) can have some good discussions down the line. There are many other children's movies out there with adoption themes, some good some bad. I'm curious to see more of them!
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